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Twas the Night before Trumpmas!

Dec 24, 2018

Twas the night before Christmas
And through the White House
Not a creature was stirring, nor Mrs. Trump’s blouse
The Democrats were filling their diapers with care
In hopes that St. Bernie would bring free healthcare
Illegals were nestled all snug in their cells
While liberals did interviews with Barack and Michelle
And Mel in her separate bedroom, and I without pant,
Had just squatted down for a long Twitter rant.
 
Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
That I sprung from the toilet to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
(I assumed it was Junior, needing some cash)
The moon on the breast of my hot wife fell so
That I muttered aloud- “She’s a 10, you know”
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an FBI van, driving up in low gear!
With a little old driver, so sneaky and quick
That I knew in a moment, it’s a liberal trick.
 
More rapid than eagles my enemies I declaimed
And I whistled, and shouted, and cursed them by name
“Damn Maddow and Tapper, and Lemon- Fake News!
Damn Woodward and Acosta- they’re probably Jews!”
It was fun while it lasted, we won’t build the wall...
I prepared to surrender as the First Lady bawled.
The dry heaves, they started as I heard Mel cry-
“Turns out Michael Cohen was a really bad guy!”
Then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
An FBI swat team, bedecked bulletproof
As I peed in my pants and was turning around
Down the chimney Bob Mueller came, with a bound!
 
He was dressed in a tie, and a cheap-looking suit
A lame public servant, short on much loot
A bundle of subpoenas, he had flung on his back
And he looked very angry, just like a Democrat!
His eyes- how they twinkled! His dimples- how scary!
His glare was like iron, his nose, big and hairy!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his prominent jawline said business, you know.
 
The tip of a pen he held tight in his teeth,
Then: “Sir I have papers,” he said, look beneath”.
Then a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
The file said Top Secret, Classified, Eyes Only;
I opened it up and said, “Holy moly!”
The victims were children, and Pizzagate’s real
“The Storm is in place, Mr. Prez he said, “We’ll..
Arrest Hillary tonight- just before twelve."
And I laughed as I signed it, in spite of myself.
 
He spoke not a word, kept straight to his work,
And owned all the libs, while I watched with a smirk
Then he made the OK sign, by the side of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his van, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down on a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
“Happy QAnon to all, and to all a good night!!!”